I came across this song when I was watching AMVs. I really liked the lyrics. I don't think I'd heard any of this band's songs before. The music is really pretty and the vocals, interesting.
Song: Louder Than Thunder
Artist: The Devil Wears Prada
Lyrics:
What would it take for things to be quiet?
Quiet, like the snow.
And I know this isn't much but,
I know I could, I could be better.
I don't think I deserve it;
selflessness find your way into my heart.
All stars could be brighter.
All hearts could be warmer.
What would it take for things to be quiet?
Quiet, like the snow.
Are we meant to be empty-handed?
I know I could, I could be better.
I don't think I deserve it;
selflessness find your way into my heart.
All stars could be brighter.
All hearts could be warmer.
(Whispered: What would it take for things to be quiet?
Find your way into my heart
What would it take for things to be quiet?
Find your way into my heart)
What would it take for things to be quiet?
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
What Has Transpired...
I'm just starting to feel like I'm coming out of what was a terrible time for me. I was extremely depressed and only one step from making a suicide attempt.
My feelings were too painful. I couldn't sleep. No matter how I tried to redirect my mind to other thoughts, only negative and terrible thoughts filled my mind. So I decided to try one of the pills the doctor had prescribed to help me sleep. If there was any time I wanted to sleep and couldn't, this was it. The directions said to take one at bedtime. But that might mean I'd wake up in the morning and right then, the last thing I wanted to do is wake up. I just wanted to sleep. So I decide to take two and go to sleep. Heather had to wake me the following afternoon. I felt dizzy and unable to focus. I managed to eat something, use the bathroom and go back to bed. I didn't wake again until 2am. and it was almost 24 hours since I took the two pills. Unlike the other time, I could tell this time I was no longer under the influence of any drug. My mind was clear but the depression was back. I did what I needed to do; eat, take the dogs out to potty, etc. I decided there's no way I wanted to be up at 2am. alone in the house so I took another pill and went back to sleep. Though I didn't take anymore pills after that, I spent most of the time sleeping. I slept in the main part of the house so the dogs didn't have to be crated. I had to just hope they didn't get into too much trouble while I slept.
I spent more then 3 days in a sleepy, depressed blur. I didn't leave the house, didn't communicate with anyone but Heather(Though she had to work 3 days in a row which meant 12 hours shifts of work and several hours sleeping, therefore I didn't see much of her.) and barely took care of myself. I feel a little better now. Negative emotions and thoughts aren't constantly plaguing me but I still feel fragile.
Looking back, I wish I could say that I have learned something that will keep me from going down that road again...But I fear as long as I'm alive and don't have something that is helping me with my depression I will continue to have these times. It is just the most terrifying thing. And I felt, no feel, so alone.
My feelings were too painful. I couldn't sleep. No matter how I tried to redirect my mind to other thoughts, only negative and terrible thoughts filled my mind. So I decided to try one of the pills the doctor had prescribed to help me sleep. If there was any time I wanted to sleep and couldn't, this was it. The directions said to take one at bedtime. But that might mean I'd wake up in the morning and right then, the last thing I wanted to do is wake up. I just wanted to sleep. So I decide to take two and go to sleep. Heather had to wake me the following afternoon. I felt dizzy and unable to focus. I managed to eat something, use the bathroom and go back to bed. I didn't wake again until 2am. and it was almost 24 hours since I took the two pills. Unlike the other time, I could tell this time I was no longer under the influence of any drug. My mind was clear but the depression was back. I did what I needed to do; eat, take the dogs out to potty, etc. I decided there's no way I wanted to be up at 2am. alone in the house so I took another pill and went back to sleep. Though I didn't take anymore pills after that, I spent most of the time sleeping. I slept in the main part of the house so the dogs didn't have to be crated. I had to just hope they didn't get into too much trouble while I slept.
I spent more then 3 days in a sleepy, depressed blur. I didn't leave the house, didn't communicate with anyone but Heather(Though she had to work 3 days in a row which meant 12 hours shifts of work and several hours sleeping, therefore I didn't see much of her.) and barely took care of myself. I feel a little better now. Negative emotions and thoughts aren't constantly plaguing me but I still feel fragile.
Looking back, I wish I could say that I have learned something that will keep me from going down that road again...But I fear as long as I'm alive and don't have something that is helping me with my depression I will continue to have these times. It is just the most terrifying thing. And I felt, no feel, so alone.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Wild Horses
I recently heard this song again. It had been a while but I was reminded how much I like it.
Song: Wild Horses
Artist: Natasha Bedingfield
Lyrics:
I feel these 4 walls closing in
My face up against the glass
I'm looking out... hmm
Is this my life I'm wondering
It happened so fast
How do I turn this thing around
Is this the bed I chose to make
Its greener pastures I'm thinking about hmm
Wide open spaces far away
All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared
[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
Run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
Oh yeah yea
I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare back, care free along the shore
If only that someone was me
Jumping head first headlong without a thought
To act and damn the consequence
How I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free
All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared
Hoohhh woah woah
[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
Oh yeah yea
I wanna run too.
Hohhh woah oh woah oh
Recklessly abandoning my self before you
I wanna open up my heart tell him how I feel
[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses! [X2]
Hooaah woah oh woah
Yeah
I wanna run with the wild horses
Song: Wild Horses
Artist: Natasha Bedingfield
Lyrics:
I feel these 4 walls closing in
My face up against the glass
I'm looking out... hmm
Is this my life I'm wondering
It happened so fast
How do I turn this thing around
Is this the bed I chose to make
Its greener pastures I'm thinking about hmm
Wide open spaces far away
All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared
[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
Run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
Oh yeah yea
I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare back, care free along the shore
If only that someone was me
Jumping head first headlong without a thought
To act and damn the consequence
How I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free
All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared
Hoohhh woah woah
[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
Oh yeah yea
I wanna run too.
Hohhh woah oh woah oh
Recklessly abandoning my self before you
I wanna open up my heart tell him how I feel
[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses! [X2]
Hooaah woah oh woah
Yeah
I wanna run with the wild horses
Monday, January 2, 2012
Books I'm Currently Reading?
I logged on to Shelfari today and looked over the books I have listed as books I'm currently reading. Actually, I'm not currently reading any of them. :(
Master of Dragons and Nefertiti are both books that I got really far in reading but didn't complete before they had to go back to the library. I had renewed them a couple times already and they were starting to accrue fines. So I had to return them unfinished. Those are only two of quite a few that I've done that with. I actually have a small list somewhere with books I had to return to the library before I finished. I have the title, author and page where I left off written down.
I guess I just get distracted with life or other hobbies. Maybe it's because those books weren't well written. Or perhaps it's because I start worrying that it wouldn't have a good ending. I usually end up getting mad at myself for not finishing it and think it's a flaw with me and not the author.
Another book I have listed on that site is Woman in White. I saw the movie a while ago and thought the storyline was good. The way it is written is a little slow to me but I stuck it out to see the "mystery" revealed. (I had forgotten what the "mystery" was in the movie.) It is a long book and I only have about 20 pages or so left to read to complete it. But I was disappointed with what the "mystery" was and I am no longer as excited to see how it wraps up. I still want to finished it since I own the book. I'm just more interested in reading something else.
My goal is to one day finish the dozen or so books that I've started and not finished. :)
Actually, I do currently have 3 books from the library that I'm trying to read. I haven't listed them on Shelfari because I'm not sure if I should be embarrassed by my choices yet. >_<
Master of Dragons and Nefertiti are both books that I got really far in reading but didn't complete before they had to go back to the library. I had renewed them a couple times already and they were starting to accrue fines. So I had to return them unfinished. Those are only two of quite a few that I've done that with. I actually have a small list somewhere with books I had to return to the library before I finished. I have the title, author and page where I left off written down.
I guess I just get distracted with life or other hobbies. Maybe it's because those books weren't well written. Or perhaps it's because I start worrying that it wouldn't have a good ending. I usually end up getting mad at myself for not finishing it and think it's a flaw with me and not the author.
Another book I have listed on that site is Woman in White. I saw the movie a while ago and thought the storyline was good. The way it is written is a little slow to me but I stuck it out to see the "mystery" revealed. (I had forgotten what the "mystery" was in the movie.) It is a long book and I only have about 20 pages or so left to read to complete it. But I was disappointed with what the "mystery" was and I am no longer as excited to see how it wraps up. I still want to finished it since I own the book. I'm just more interested in reading something else.
My goal is to one day finish the dozen or so books that I've started and not finished. :)
Actually, I do currently have 3 books from the library that I'm trying to read. I haven't listed them on Shelfari because I'm not sure if I should be embarrassed by my choices yet. >_<
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