I was looking at my blog and realized that I have a lot of unpublished blog entries. Just since my last post, I've written up 4 entries and not published them. There are quite a few before that. I find I'm doing it a lot because there are things I want to confide or talk to someone about but I feel I don't have anyone I can do that with. So instead I write blog entries but decide they are too personal or revealing about me and don't post them.
Of course, there are things it's better not to publish blog entries about, even if you believe your audience small. The frustrating thing is not having someone in "real life" you can feel free to talk to. Sometimes I worry my thoughts and feelings will offend someone or that people couldn't "handle" what's on my mind. Other times, unless someone knows me really well, I feel it would be too complicated to explain what and why I'm thinking a certain way. Or try to explain what and why I'm facing a problem.
It hasn't always been like this. It wasn't that long ago when I felt like I had some people in my life I considered "mothers". Not all were old enough to be my mother and none were related to me but they had more experience then me and I felt I could talk to them about most of my concerns/thoughts. For various reasons, they are no longer actively in my life. So while I feel I have friends that I enjoy spending time with and appreciate, there isn't really any person I feel I can go to for advice when facing some sort of difficulty or to share my more weightier thoughts with.
I don't mean for this to be a "pity me" post. I was looking over my blog and started to analyze why I had so many unpublished posts. I started to think about what need I was filling by typing them up but then not publishing them. Then I thought of how that need was filled in the past but why not now. So I'm sharing my analysis of my blog and part of my life...and I'm not sure why but I think I'll publish this time! =/
Well I'm glad you did publish it and I'm sorry you find it so hard to share what your thinking. Writing about your feelings does help but I get what you mean that it's not always enough as you don't get a response from a piece of paper or a computer screen.
ReplyDeleteIt's important to remember though that your thoughts are worth sharing even if in the past you've been made to feel otherwise. Maybe start by picking one item (maybe an opinion on a general subject not something too personal) and share that. The same can be true when it comes to people. You don't have to share all your feelings all at once, you can do it little by little till you feel you can trust them and then start sharing the serious stuff then.
Don't know if this will help. Just know I lve you very much - we all do!
By the way I LOVE the new page. It's beautiful!
Thank you so much for your response. I think you have a very good suggestion. It is hard for me to trust people, especially recently, but maybe little by little I can start to open up to people again.
ReplyDeleteI love you too.
And thank you, I was ready to switch up the look of this blog and it was fun to create. :)
First, I think your new blog art is beautiful. The girl is so pretty and the colors ar so soft.
ReplyDeleteSecond, I hope that I can be one of your "mothers" and I am old enough!
Love you sweetie.
Thank you. Your support means so much to me. I love you too.
ReplyDeleteI totally know what you mean about needing a "mother" type person in your life. Not just anyone will do. It takes a special connection I think.
ReplyDeleteAt least you get your thoughts down on "paper" Often I don't even bother attempting to write. Not sure why. Perhaps its because I have the tendency to write about all the stuff that's wrong in my life and I figure nobody wants to read about all that negative stuff.
Just know that you aren't alone in worrying that people can't "handle your mind". It's just that they aren't awesome enough to handle the awesomeness of your mind. :)
Annnnnd my mind just lots its thought so that's all for now.
Hang in there! *hugs*